


The Weekly Yeast Vol. 9

by ebayhaunteddoll



Series: The Weekly Yeast [8]
Category: Actor RPF, Dance Moms RPF, Furry (Fandom), Political RPF - US 21st c., Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Aiheight DaPope, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Alternative Universe - FBI, Bats, Battery Licking, Birthday Party, Blood Drinking, Canon-Typical Violence, Captivity, Caves, Celebrities, Decadence, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fraternities & Sororities, Gen, Implied Mpreg, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Invasion of Privacy, Jizzanella Yopioin, Luxury, Magazines, Misandry, Mummies, Murder, News Media, Newspapers, Omega Verse, Psychological Horror, Rabies, Recreational Drug Use, Scoopem Crumbce, Social Media, TikTok, Waco, Wealth, Weneedeys Cockenbalce, Writers, Zoo, cancel culture, dance moms oc, pomeranian, reddit, sluppy, vampire bat facts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:48:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29035716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebayhaunteddoll/pseuds/ebayhaunteddoll
Summary: Plug into cyberspace and get ready to emerge from your Matrix-esque stasis pod into the Celebosphere. Hold onto your cock, because here, gossip moves at the speed of light.
Series: The Weekly Yeast [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2041948
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	The Weekly Yeast Vol. 9

# 

#  Op Ed: I'm Obsessed with the Dare Lion because I Feel the Need to Protect Others From Him

The dare lion has most definitely committed some serious and heinous crimes in his day. I've said this all before and I'll say it again: This man is a walking out of court settlement. At the very least he's killed two strippers and one freshman from his frat. The dare lion fucks for dominance. Something about him just tells me that he has some disgusting, twisted sadist streak in him and a lack of empathy. That he doesn't form real relationships, he only forms connections that he keeps to benefit him. He surrounds himself with people to make himself seem popular, tricking everyone around him to like him. He shows up at almost every social event, and in high school had a foothold in almost every social circle, so those who don't want to associate end up isolating themselves. The courts let him off without a scratch to his reputation. He has a rich dad, his status as a public service figure, and his connections to the police department cuts him some slack. He can get away with anything he wants to and he knows it. He's had everything handed to him in life and has never faced any repercussions and probably never will. His shit eating grin thinly veils the demented person he really is on the inside to everyone except his ex girlfriends who now walk around in hoodies with dark circles beneath their lashes that they frantically smeared mascara on in an attempt to be deemed as human by society. The whole dare act is a sham. One that gets Darren the lion one of the biggest social footholds he has today, as well as one that makes him an endless stream of school board money. Not many people see through Darren's lies, though, he's a great actor. Although a lion, he's turned himself into a golden retriever. Agreeable. Lovable. Socially adept. A natural born leader. But there's just something about him that makes me think there is a dark streak deep down in his orange mane. Hopefully one that comes back to bite him in the ass.   


* * *

# 

#  San Diego Zoo Celebrates Their Oldest Vampire Bat’s 129th Birthday

This week, the San Diego Zoo will celebrate the birthday of their Hairy-Legged Vampire Bat, Anna Wintour. Typically, these blood-sucking mammals only live to about nine years old. The airborne creatures are native to the warmer areas of the Americas, being found as far north as southern Texas and as far south as Uruguay. Bats in the same species as Anna Wintour can be told apart from the other two species of vampire bats by their wrinkly, pug-like face, as well as their sharp teeth, which they have an abundance of, more than any other vampire bat!

Though many may be scared of the name vampire bat, they rarely ever feed off of humans. Their typical diet consists of birds and other small rodents, as well as the occasional domestic animal. “A lot of people seem afraid of these bats because of their sort of ugly appearance and their name, but they are basically harmless to people. They actually are really important for controlling rodent populations. The only thing you really need to watch out for with these animals is rabies, which bats really have a lot of in the wild,” says zookeeper Bethany, one of Anna Wintour’s handlers. “They are really actually charming once you get to know them. A lot of guests get scared around Anna especially because she’s entered the mummification process alive just because of her absolutely ancient age. She actually has extra teeth, too. They should only have 26, but as you can see, she has a ton. We don’t know why that is. She also might seem hostile to many visitors, she kind of likes to look them in the eye and bang on the glass, while making kind of a snarling noise and foaming. I think she’s just excited to see people,” 

Zoo staff says that Anna Wintour’s favorite things to do are sleep in her cave, work on her magazine, and fly in the aviary, and that she will be getting an extra special birthday present made from her favorite food, live rats. Be sure to stop by the San Diego Zoo to wish Anna a happy birthday!

* * *

# 

# 5 Alt TikTok Stars that Took it Too Far

  1. Kyler Crumbce



Kyler “Scoopem” Crumbce is one of the hottest under 10 Tik Tok stars in the world right now. His enigmatic mix of classic prank content and fucked up, post-modern, Pynchon-esque prank content may be on your tween brother’s for you page without you even knowing it. He caused controversy, however, when he posted a video of him dancing to recordings of beehives with the caption “waco wasn’t that bad even #genzrevoultion.” Although the twitter mob was quick to descend upon him, we at the Yeast have to ask: did cancel culture go too far in this instance? WAS Waco even that bad?

2\. Aiheight DaPope

This TikTok star was EXPOSED after a former friend uploaded a video of her chunching a sluppy. Let’s get serious here: chunching a sluppy is absolutely NEVER okay. It is beyond problematic and disrespectful for every person who was born with their gloopy yoinked. 

3\. Jizzanella Yopioin

Parent activist groups were quick to condemn former Dance Moms star Jizzanella Yopioin after she posted a video of herself licking D Batteries with the caption “do this if you hate your mom #violence #hellonearth #foryoupage.” Children as young as negative two months were injured licking batteries in the hours after this video was posted, with many reporting feeling “zooted, I guess.”

4\. Weenedeys Cockenbalce

LMAO her name is “Cock and Balls” class laugh mate x

5\. Calvin Coolidge

Calvin Coolidge is quickly becoming rich frat boys’ favorite celeb. Ugh, right? This former US president (and former alive human) is catching a fair bit of criticism about his disgusting displays of capitalist decadence that he regularly shows on his TikTok account. Some say his Merry Manse that he shares with Wendy Williams is something to aspire to, while still others say it’s a tasteless display of luxury that is NOTHING to aspire to. We certainly think his 50 or so purebred pomeranian dogs are SO adorbs, but really, it’s a bit much to use caviar instead of gravel in his driveway!

* * *

# Are Women the New Men?

* * *

# 

# Fans Speculate About Dr. Phil’s Secondary Sex After Post-Humous Release of Lifelong Project, Novel "Breeding Season"

Longtime fans of the talk show host Dr. Phil McGraw were devastated to hear of his passing last August, but found that their mourning was cut short after his estate quickly released the final draft of one of his top-secret personal projects. 

The novel, entitled  _ Breeding Season, _ follows the story of a young Omegan British boy attending an Alpha-only university while struggling to hide his true identity from his peers. It’s a story of youth, courage, and even romance, as our protagonist finds themself drawn to their gruff but gentle Latin tutor. 

While Dr. Phil rested peacefully 6 feet under, a manila folder containing the novel draft publishers were scrambling to get their grubby litel mitts on was auctioned to an anonymous publisher at a whopping 65 billion dollars. 

“We just had to get the thing out of the house,” said his wife, Robin McGraw, who did not wish to be named. “All of us knew just how important it was to him, but he felt so trapped by the persona he had taken on in the public eye.”

Online communities such as the r/DrPhilBussy subreddit as well as the Federal Bureau of Investigation's Dr. Phil Response Team began theorizing as to what the extremely popular TV psychologist's secondary sex is. The FBI said this in a press release this morning:

> "While McGraw kept most of his private life out of the public eye, it was commonly assumed by most that he was an alpha due to his large physique and protective demeanour. However, this assumption is being challenged as many find that the narrative voice in the novel is far too accurate to have been written by a non-omega."

“It wasn’t fair to him,” said our contact. “At first he went along with it because he wasn’t sure how well received he would be as a non-alpha in the industry, and as time went on he realized just how important that image was to his viewers. They wanted- no, they needed him to be that strong, warm, alpha paternal figure that so many people have missed in their lives. He couldn’t let them down. He couldn’t be someone else.”

While that’s all well and good, it’s time to address the elephant in the room. Are his kids assbabies or not?

* * *

### Becky's Jim Carrey Column

# Jim Carrey a Little Fucked Up, Actually

I mean what the hell is this


End file.
